Coming Out Resources
Support and guidance for your unique coming out journey
What Does "Coming Out" Mean?
Coming out is the process through which lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, queer or questioning (LGBTQ+) people recognize, accept, and share their sexual orientation or gender identity with others. This process is unique for each person and can happen at any age.
For many LGBTQ+ individuals, coming out is not a one-time event but a series of decisions throughout life. Each time you meet someone new, start a new job, or enter a new community, you may need to decide whether, when, and how to come out.
Remember that coming out is a personal choice, and no one should feel pressured to come out before they're ready. Your safety, well-being, and comfort should always come first.
Looking for a detailed step-by-step approach? Check out our Coming Out Guide for more detailed information.
Reasons People Choose to Come Out
People choose to come out for many different reasons. Understanding your motivations can help you decide if, when, and how to come out.
Living Authentically
Many people find that being open about their identity allows them to live more honestly and fully.
Building Closer Relationships
Sharing important aspects of yourself can deepen connections with friends and family.
Relieving the Burden of Secrecy
Keeping important parts of your identity secret can be emotionally exhausting.
Supporting Others
Being visible can help create a more accepting environment for other LGBTQ+ people.
Preparing to Come Out
Preparation can help make your coming out experience safer and more positive. Consider these important steps before coming out:
Assess Your Safety
Your physical and emotional safety should always be your top priority. Consider whether coming out might put you at risk of:
- Physical harm or threats
- Being kicked out of your home
- Losing financial support
- Emotional abuse or rejection
If you believe coming out would put you at significant risk, it might be best to wait until you have a safety plan in place.
Build a Support Network
Having support can make a significant difference. Before coming out, try to identify people who will support you:
- Friends who are LGBTQ+ or allies
- Supportive family members
- LGBTQ+ community organizations
- Counselors or therapists familiar with LGBTQ+ issues
- Online support communities
Educate Yourself
The more you understand about your own identity, the better prepared you'll be to answer questions others might have. Consider:
- Reading books, articles, or websites about LGBTQ+ experiences
- Connecting with LGBTQ+ communities to learn from others' experiences
- Preparing responses to common questions or misconceptions
Make a Plan
Consider the specifics of how you want to come out:
- Who do you want to tell first?
- How would you like to come out (in person, letter, phone call)?
- What do you want to say?
- When and where would be most comfortable and safe?
- What reactions do you anticipate, and how might you respond?
- Do you have a backup plan if things don't go well?
Coming Out to Different People in Your Life
Coming out to family members can be particularly challenging because these relationships are so important in our lives.
Tips for coming out to family:
- Consider starting with the family member you think will be most supportive
- Choose a private, calm moment without distractions
- Be prepared for questions and give them time to process
- Remember that initial reactions don't always reflect long-term acceptance
- Have resources ready to share that might help them understand
"When I came out to my parents, I wrote them a letter first so they could process their thoughts before we talked. It gave them time to move past their initial shock and respond more thoughtfully when we discussed it in person." — Jamie, 24
Friends often provide important support during the coming out process. Many people choose to come out to trusted friends first.
Tips for coming out to friends:
- Start with friends you believe will be supportive
- Consider coming out one-on-one rather than to a group
- Be clear about whether you're ready for others to know
- Give them space to ask questions
- Understand that some friends may need time to adjust
"I was so nervous to tell my best friend, but when I finally did, she just hugged me and said she was honored I trusted her enough to share this part of myself. Her acceptance gave me the courage to come out to others." — Alex, 19
Coming out in professional or educational environments presents unique considerations regarding privacy, discrimination, and professional relationships.
Tips for coming out at work or school:
- Research anti-discrimination policies at your workplace or school
- Consider speaking with HR or trusted administrators first
- Decide how much personal information you're comfortable sharing in professional settings
- Build a support network of allies in your workplace or school
- Know your legal rights regarding discrimination
"I decided to come out at work by simply bringing my partner to the company holiday party. It was a casual way to let people know without making a formal announcement, and it worked well for me." — Jordan, 32
After Coming Out: What to Expect
Coming out is just the beginning of your journey. Here's what you might experience after coming out and how to navigate it:
Processing Different Reactions
You may encounter a range of reactions from acceptance and celebration to confusion or rejection. Remember that people's initial reactions don't always reflect their long-term response. Some people need time to process and educate themselves.
Setting Boundaries
Establish clear boundaries about what kinds of questions you're comfortable answering. It's okay to say, "I don't feel comfortable discussing that," or "I'm still figuring that out myself." Your privacy deserves respect.
Finding Community
Connecting with other LGBTQ+ people can provide invaluable support, understanding, and friendship. Look for local LGBTQ+ centers, online communities, support groups, or social events where you can meet others who share your experiences.
Self-Care
Coming out can be emotionally taxing. Prioritize activities that support your mental health, whether that's exercise, creative expression, time with supportive people, or professional counseling. Be patient and gentle with yourself through this process.
Coming Out Stories
Reading about others' experiences can provide inspiration, preparation, and a sense of connection. Here are a few real coming out stories from our community:
Michael's Story - Coming Out as Gay at 45
"After 20 years of marriage and raising two children, I finally acknowledged to myself that I was gay. Coming out later in life had its own unique challenges, but living authentically has been worth it. My ex-wife and I remain friends, and my children have been incredibly supportive. It's never too late to be true to yourself."
Sophia's Story - Coming Out as Bisexual to Religious Parents
"When I came out as bisexual to my deeply religious parents, they initially struggled to reconcile their beliefs with my identity. I gave them books and articles about faith and LGBTQ+ identity, and we had many difficult but important conversations. Three years later, they've come to a place of acceptance and even attended Pride with me last year."
Tyler's Story - Coming Out as Transgender in High School
"Coming out as transgender during my sophomore year of high school was scary, but I couldn't continue pretending to be someone I wasn't. I started by telling my closest friends, then worked with the school counselor to inform teachers and update my name in school systems. There were difficult moments, but the freedom of being my authentic self made it all worthwhile."
Additional Resources
Hotlines & Crisis Support
- Trevor Project: 1-866-488-7386
- LGBT National Hotline: 1-888-843-4564
- Trans Lifeline: 1-877-565-8860
- Crisis Text Line: Text HOME to 741741
Online Communities
You Are Not Alone
Coming out is a personal journey, and there's no one "right way" to do it. Whenever and however you choose to come out—or if you choose not to—your feelings and decisions are valid.
"The single most important coming out is the one you do to yourself. Once you've accepted who you are, the journey might not always be easy, but you'll face it as your authentic self."